DownFall | Part-1
- Piyush
- Nov 18, 2020
- 4 min read
Updated: May 3, 2021
"I am sorry for letting my emotions get the better of me. Although I was having a rough time, I truly didn't have the right to say those cursed words, and you deserve to punish me in any way possible, and now, I just don't want you to think that I am mean. I was going through really bad situations, and don't think that I am a crybaby, I just always try to be as discrete as possible..."
This quote didn't at all make any sense to you, right? It actually isn't a quote; I wrote it. It is, in a way, a short explanation of this post.
Why do we fall? So that we learn to pick ourselves up again.
It might seem a rather fine dialogue from Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight for normal people, but I have been thinking about it for the last few days. Tried to understand it in my own way. And somehow I understood what kind of person I really am. In this process of self-discovery, I've learned something new; rather, a set of new values that might not really make sense to you if and only if you read this blog post casually. I'd like you to read it, and try giving yourself a few minutes to think about how these things relate to your past. Trust me, it will help you understand yourself better.
How the DownFall began...
I have been a scoundrel all my life.
I have always helped people in the times they wanted to talk to someone. Be it helping out a classmate who got unjustly bullied in the class or a Lone wolf who's broken (for his lost persona) like me. Speaking of a Lone wolf, my definition of a "Lone wolf "is a person who can handle all the things going on in his life all by himself or one who thinks he can.
But the thing is, I placed myself above others in my mind.
In my mind.
And that has caused something I never expected to happen.
No, it isn't that my self-esteem or my ego came into play. I didn't even know the proper meaning of these words until the last year. The definition of these words was often explained to us in our schools in workshops, some animated films or PowerPoint presentations, and things like that. Oh! I wish I had paid some form of attention to those things!
Ok. So now I really need to be honest with you guys here, and at the same time, I need to make sure I don't harm anyone's personal information. For the last one and a half months, I have been experiencing a lot of heartbreaks, which has been a really tough time for me. Those were the darkest days of my life. And the conclusion is quite inexplicable (don't come running after me for suggestions or presenting your own interpretation of the situation, I don't want you guys to tell me it was all my fault or start comforting me cuz it wasn't my fault at all).
Imagine, there is some scandal going on back in your hometown. Your parents put forward their own opinions on it. They occasionally start yelling at each other. And you feel uncomfortable and insecure because they start blaming you for stupid things you actually weren't even thinking of doing. But the situation is not really that intense that you talk to your friends to get some fresh air. Besides, you're a lone wolf. You've confronted such situations with a fake smile on your face all the time.
But then it keeps getting worse and worse, your parents start comparing your marks to Mr. Sour, they keep saying how bad you are at your studies in comparison to others, never be happy even for a split second that you did better than the last time.
And for the first time, that tiny little kid in your heart starts craving for a friend, who would at least just listen to your musings and would not complain in between.
You start thinking of all the friends you trust.
Mr. Sour is good, he is the one person you trust the most, but you're afraid to say anything to him about this because he has been the one person who your parents keep saying is soooo better than you...
Ms. Obi-wan-art is a really good friend of yours, but you don't want to say anything to her because you're afraid that she might end up concluding that you're a crybaby and you might end up losing her friendship......
Mr. DoGGo is another good friend of yours, he has been there since your childhood years, but then you're afraid he might get tired listening to your pointless musings.....
And there are many other friends and cousins, but you don't know how to reach out to them.....
Cuz you never get the time to.
You're at your home all day. And in the sight of your parents all day. You don't have a friendly neighborhood as none of the children near you are your friends. You hardly find an excuse to go out. The only time you feel the freedom of using the internet is at midnight when they (your parents) sleep without any worries.
That's when you feel really alone and broken.
And then you do some things which sound really weird and nonsense, but you do it, and you've become something you never expected to be.
A villain in someone's life.
A villain for The Roach, and Pickleface.
Or maybe just someone who they don't give an f about.... but it feels bad.
But what once has been done, can't be undone. "So the wrongdoer, who wants undo the things he has done on his part, must understand that the best thing to do if no one really understands him, must move on and do things that would one day make him happy, not ashamed of it."
It is not that the story is finished. This is actually a new category that I have started in our blog, that'll be based on my own life experiences, but I will try explaining it in a way you'll find interesting and might, in some way, be relatable to your own experiences. I will continue it if you guys like the way of narration and the story. Thank you for giving your time to read this blog post for this week.
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